Welcome to our Blog
Feb. 11, 2010 - Posted by enkyoroshi in: Blog - 172 Comments
It’s winter here now
Overlooking the overlook
Leafless trees against the colorless sky.
All the warmth within.
You can see your breath.
What better way to recognize emptiness and form? Hoping this blog will bring us together intimately, where we can activate the way and truth of expression (the name of our temple, btw).
– Roshi


172 Responses to “Welcome to our Blog”
I listen
to those who say,
“confine you heart and your mind to now,
live with a moment’s passing and dying breath,
as the length and breadth
of your consciousness”
with past and future gone
I wonder what sensations are baying for entry to my ungenerous
experience,
if left alone, uncloistered
would there be a sudden burst of eclipsed sounds,
or better, silence
what new reality is behind the stifling curtain
of thoughts
the trembling and fearful self
a drop of water to enter the ocean
if allowed
that is the end of bondage
bred to a captivity of lies
my eyes are made for new daylight,
even at night,
the light of the moon
remembers the sun to me
By new moon on Mar 25, 2010
This frozen palate
Ferries frozen feet
Safely till spring’s sun
Melts it away
Then, maybe I’ll learn to swim..
Or just melt into the spring and sun!
By ZenRai on Apr 4, 2010
All thoughts of cold and ice
Now gone, with the blossoms.
As you say, spring and sun and
how we are swimming
through our lives makes sense,
today, finally.
I had tea with a friend the other day. She was full of the clarity and and logic of another path of Buddhism. She was so thrilled to find a system that ‘makes sense.’ And, happy as I was for her, I did again realize my delight with the Zen way of indirection, of imagery, and of the spaces between the words, the breath of intimacy.
By Roshi on Apr 6, 2010
Spring is flowing through this day,
Warblers are arriving from the South,
I saw a Cedar WaxWing couple this morning,
The male feeding the female, amidst the sounds
Of bikers whirring through the park,
Who can say, that was then, this is now?
By enkyoroshi on Apr 7, 2010
Courted by this evening’s scented breeze
Ping-ponged by eager peepers
Whirred along toads trills
A smiley crescent moon
Outwaits early apriil’s showering
(And first faint thunder)
Now fresh as washday this air
This breath
Only this
By ZenRai on Apr 8, 2010
Blossoms falling all over the ground,
Not a blossom fell, just our idea of ‘blossom’ and of ‘falling.’
We seek reality, and instead cover it with our words, our sentiment,
Our opinions and our fears.
Always anchored in the provisional.
Still, the streets are covered in a strange carpet
That swells my heart and slows me to a breath.
By enkyoroshi on Apr 9, 2010
I walked in the circle
behind a new student who truncated
the horseshoe path of steps
first here, then there
and I thought as I breathed
“he isn’t doing the whole circle…”
and I had to laugh inwardly
at my mind,
that focused on the number of steps taken
and not the path that led nowhere
By newmoon on Apr 12, 2010
the hum of the streets
evening talk soft, loud outside my open window
though the speakers seem sad, angry, joyful, chirping
there is beauty here, I think
the lights and sounds of cars, waves
doors open shut and open on cars
the buildings of downtown brick are full of a wonderful people
there is beauty here, I know it
on days such as these, let my busy mind melt
and see beauty, to know it
By newmoon on Apr 14, 2010
the frog perched on the green mossy root,
which bobs along a river’s course,
thinks himself quite a king!
“I look at this world parade itself in front of me,
while I, so profound,
remain entirely still.
humble though I am, it surely seems the world knows that I,
am truly special…”
but the housecat basking in the sun,
on the river’s bank
watches a hapless frog drifting towards whitewater.
He will jump,
the water will break and shimmer,
forced to give up his perch the frog will, again,
learn to swim.
By new moon on Apr 27, 2010
. . . learn to swim.
Do we ever learn to swim?
Or is it remembering
Amniotic fluid floating,
And even before, those ancient early days?
Dear green frog, glistening movement
In the reeds,
Teaching us the old way.
Hop! Out of the cat’s paw,
Into what flows on and on.
By Roshi on Apr 27, 2010
when my swimming becomes not-swimming
and my falling becomes not falling
then I’ll count myself a true follower
and not until that moment
which will not be a moment
at all
in my now, however
my knees ache, my stomach growls
and I’m wondering
By new moon on Apr 29, 2010
I wish I were frog
who does not think water, land
swimming to the shore
By new moon on Apr 29, 2010
It’s also in the jumping,
My long tongue with its deadly aim,
and yes, splashing,
don’t you think?
By Roshi on Apr 29, 2010
don’t I think,
I surely do think, it used to seem all there was,
the world became thoughts, acid and crude
I would ask whether my cup was half full,
or half empty,
or whether it runneth over,
now
I ask whether the coffee is in the cup
or is the cup in the coffee,
or…
or.
.
By new moon on Apr 30, 2010
or maybe…
maybe this is where words end…
the coffee is brown and rich,
the cup catches the light of the liquor stores red sign
and my window is open
By new moon on Apr 30, 2010
a buddha has no marks
no marks
By new moon on May 1, 2010
ahhh the rain wipes it all away,
again and again
the marks, erased, revealed, erased again,
what’s left, then?
that red reflection, the open window.
By Roshi on May 3, 2010
and maybe this is what remains
at the end of the day
on a bench in the park
watching
the river
reflecting the cold moon
she leans over and licks my face
and then barks at the biker riding by
it’s time to go home
By NS on May 7, 2010
Today’s there’s no sun,
misty clouds – I can touch them!
This home, always here.
By Roshi on May 8, 2010
so true
always here
how good to be reminded
of this
and yet…
sometimes I feel so homeless
like a “motherless day” child
but then suddenly this afternoon
a strong wind swept through Chelsea
and on the street
in it’s strong whirl
i felt embraced by the whole
world.
By NS on May 8, 2010
this morning
as i closed my door to leave for work
i realized how
as i leave and return
i am always there
in this body
i walk to the subway
cool spring wind on my face
welcome home
By Navah on May 10, 2010
When I return home,
it is a feeling, a solidness,
a rightness flowing through me
and everything is possible!
And that’s why I sit in the spring,
summer, fall, winter.
By Roshi on May 10, 2010
Two Poems
1
in this dewdrop world
teachings like blades of grass
(The bare branches sprout leaves blossom with fragrant flowers that wilt and fade then become pregnant and heavy with fruit which then fall and rot on the ground leaving them bare vulnerable shivering in the cold they snap shake until in the warming air fill up with leaves again)
in this field
she sits
steadfast, solid
clear
days turn into months
the student tries to sit there with her
but as the months turn into years
his shoulders turn weary, eyes bleary
legs give in
he falls face first
into the mud.
2
I wake up
wipe the dirt of my face
roll over
stretch my limbs on the ground
I don’t know how long I’ve been sleeping
maybe she has dozed off a bit too
but here, right now
I vow to lie in this field with you
through all the seasons of the year.
By NS on May 10, 2010
and all seasons of my life.
By NS on May 10, 2010
what a goddamn relief to get to an end and find a beginning
no beginnings, no ends…oh but they’re there…oh but aren’t they
I say hello and pass along
so much to do, so much to learn,
remembering when I thought of love and hate as the only thing there was, deep down,
I laugh and pass along
I’ll do it till I die, in one way or another
life I mean
and then, who knows, my hearts spins a thousand dreams
and nightmares about that situation, that beginning-less endless beginning
flushing up like petals, like a burst of petals i’ve never seen
with these eyes, maybe
I’ll walk through, or maybe stand still
doesn’t matter, but it does
doesn’t it
By new moon on May 12, 2010
new moon
rising again this evening
illuminating
that place where the practice unfolds
somewhere where it both is
and is not, at the same time
i used to think that nothing mattered
but of course it did
when it affected me
i became a a rebel without a cause
and effect
blazing
ripping through the world
not caring much what i left behind
now i look back at these days
with a longing tinged with regret
i try to act that it does not matter anymore
the ways i felt so hurt and lonely in my own body
oh the beginning-less endless road
my body is not as sleek anymore
i can feel my thickening flesh
as i walk across the wooden floor
but i welcome my weight too
i feel more ancored
to the earth
more grounded
in the present moment
By NS on May 13, 2010
today I left my bed, which I rarely make
and hit the road,
to see my family, the first stop,
to see a dear friend
a stranger,
to hold hands with someone new,
a open-heart pursuit, once contingent, still contingent (but on what, oh my…what a question)
my viciousness spit on selfish love
but agape?
is now my arms and legs
so tender, so strong this sense
when I am dull I miss it like a mother misses her child,
and a child misses her mother
on a good day I might touch the sky
with the color of my heart and mind
damn, I’m in love with everything
even hate
a slow-burning energy, passionless,
now blue, green, deepest red
what can I say?
what can I say
By new moon on May 13, 2010
on the train, the tracks and car shudder
horribly, powerfully
looking outwards, where am I
I AM the sound, the cold air, my shirt against my skin,
smells tastes…OH!
no protection!
oh help!
where am I?!
oh help!
(look at the breath)
oh help!
oh
(…the breath)
help
.
.
.
I breathe into the mounting fear
only to find I was there all along
now shaking, pale as paper
somewhere between
.
you are a formless cutting edge
samadhi
I will hold you with respect
By new moon on May 13, 2010
oh, but it’s in that messy bed
that you can always return to
it’s good you rarely tighten those corners
it leaves you more room to breath
not everything needs to be neat
in a row
i miss sometimes the tibetan gompas of my youth
colorful flags waving, pillows scattered everywhere
thick incense and horns blaring
and while today the stillness of zafus and zabutons is my home
black straight lines of order feel sometimes
that they mask the chaos in my soul.
love hate fear calm red green life death
i look for separation where there is none.
there is so much beneath the surface
hair still grays in the roots
of the monk’s gleaming scalp
and across those rumpled sheets
a child returns to it’s mother
as it’s nature
searching for her breast
not missing perhaps
but seeking comfort.
we all need a little ease
lean back on that seat
follow that sun
or that moon
or that sun in the moon
and enjoy the ride.
By NS on May 14, 2010
tortoise-cat sits dozing
monk-like eyes, tilted downward
sudden thunder,
JUMP!
By new moon on May 15, 2010
flat, grey clouds,
the greens and blues stand out,
warming sun now – briefly
spring’s such a tease.
By Roshi on May 16, 2010
words simulate understanding so well
like a insect disguised as a leaf or a twig
but I am a hungry blue-jay
and I will find them out
they are fleet like a gazelle
beautiful, so beautiful I would hate to harm them
but I am a hungry lion,
and my cubs need to eat
they are the cry of someone faced with a road a million miles long
“i know this road is a million miles” he says, “no need to bother”
but I am a traveler, and seated front of this computer screen
I am walking, whether I like it or not
By new moon on May 16, 2010
I can’t do this alone,
whatever this is
though there is no alone, or together
the untethered world spins around me,
flows through me,
is me,
I keep looking for myself, and I find…
is this real?
can this be real?
am I dreaming?
one careless regard
and I am suddenly afraid at the vastness of the world
to be at peace…with this…is so hard
I need a teacher
but deep within is a distrust
of teachers of all types
of experience, my experience,
your experience
that is the deepest delusion thus far
and now that I have written this
I know what needs to be done
By new moon on May 16, 2010
yesterday
the 23rd street crosstown
bus lurched forward like an accordion snake
a mother voice called out
“kids, hold on to each other!”
if only they knew
how much they needed
to
By NS on May 17, 2010
is all relation
the buddhakṣetra, right now!
all is relation
By new moo on May 17, 2010
this week
the three poisons
threaten to overwhelm me
i want to annihilate all those who have abandoned me
and greedy for power, attention and recognition
i find myself feeling deskilled
empty and alone
when i was a child
i would often leave the crusts of my sandwich
not wanting to deal with the hard parts
and now
nothing much has changed
how do I practice with this
how?
By NS on May 18, 2010
the hardest thing I’ve experienced
and the most wonderful, perhaps
is how the worst of it
any sense of loss or displacement from
“where i should be right now”
…alive, vital, together, with it
or even the best of feelings, the most illuminating and powerful
those days when everyone wants to love you because you’re so goddamn fantastic!
is a illusion,
and is a gateway
is reality
it just is
can’t find anywhere to hide in delusion, when you see what it is
you can’t go back,
well I guess you could try
but that would be a very unsatisfying venture, I think
since there is no back to which to go
even the word “now” is irresponsible to cling to
“lets be present!”
“ok I’m going to be present……..now!”
oops, missed it
but going forward is just as lost
kensho? is that where it was supposed to be at
show it to me again and again!
kensho seems as dependent as anything else
everything is individual, kensho
everything is relative, kensho
“when the myriad things come out at illuminate us….”
said Dogen
where is my halo? where is it today?
I experience life, pain still wracks my body, sadness still sweeps
lonliness, regret
through me
and yet, there is strength? available to everything
to every one,
to all of us,
that makes all this cosmic bitching we do a little more
comedic
not to be taken to seriously,
and like a joke
theses pain and hurt and angry thoughts
the more intense these absudities,
the harder, deeper I can laugh
and a kind of laughter rings through all of me
and I can accept any defeat
in my heart
now I wish to take it easy
and burn slow
I’m so tired of my games
I could cry so good, honest tears
but I’m too tough for that
aren’t I?
“Down by the salley gardens my love and I did meet;
She passed the salley gardens with little snow-white feet.
She bid me take love easy, as the leaves grow on the tree;
But I, being young and foolish, with her did not agree.
In a field by the river my love and I did stand,
And on my leaning shoulder she laid her snow-white hand.
She bid me take life easy, as the grass grows on the weirs;
But I was young and foolish, and now am full of tears.”
W.B. Yeats
By new moon on May 18, 2010
I apologize for all those typos
By new moon on May 18, 2010
gassho, NM.
By NS on May 19, 2010
I don’t believe a word I say,
like Myoko-Sensei said on a sunday morning,
“each time you reach for the ocean,
all you come back with is a handful of water,
the ocean shines on, the handful of water shines on”
By NM on May 21, 2010
These days it is the sparrows
that fascinate me, thrill me,
their voices, their tiny brown and white bodies.
And of course, the ordinary robin’s song.
Ahhh, what is it?
By Roshi on May 21, 2010
roshi,
like the sparrows
get some sleep
you must get up and sing
early next morning!
this is what it is i think-
they sing their love
or maybe out of habit
but either way
they are
alive
By NS on May 21, 2010
sometimes I fear
i have become so open
that i will crack
and the yolk will slither
out
i will lose
the self
i have clung to for so long
behind the shell
that is slowly being chipped away
from both inside and out.
the intimacy of this scares me.
i vow to be ok
with being afraid
i did so much to avoid fear
i ran from all those places where i had to
face
myself
how i wish to enter those endless gates
By NS on May 23, 2010
I gave a friend something today
that only time and long rest can return
I hope they enjoy it
and knows that I love them
we knew love
as children
whole days in harmony walking the woods
just dreams
they turned into a right bastard over the years
so did I
hard times, misunderstanding,
fear and ….
whatever you want to call it
whatever name it holds for you
deep shit
that
is hard on us all with its thousand weapons
he took something very special from me
someone
one of my oldest wounds
but today I bow and give thanks to him
for reopening that which could not heal
so that it can
thank you David,
thank you mother, father, brother
enemy, friend, cat, dog,
trees, street,
potato and poblano peppers
goodnight
By new moon on May 23, 2010
to Roshi:
I want to be your student because,
when I hear you
there are no glancing cognitive blows
and no reckonings
I can trust your overstanding, I think
and it re-son-ates,
deep down
so that I don’t even “hear it”
I don’t go in for games, or ego tricks
(but of course I do, when I’m tired or sick)
you’ll see me around,
I’m getting
less
shy
By new moon on May 24, 2010
it sounds like
you are a student already
welcome home.
By NS on May 26, 2010
when i return home from my journey
she is so excited
and dances around the hallway carpet
jumps up and down
and licks my face
how i wish i could celebrate every moment of my life
in this way
muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
what buddha nature my dog has
and how she awakens me
to notice my own.
By NS on Jun 1, 2010
Is there time
to watch the cormorant
dry her wings on the stump
in the river that
flows both ways?
By enkyoroshi on Jun 1, 2010
the black cormorant,
slick like oil dove below the Chelsea piers
old blackened posts
water light like shivering melted glass
so fast, so slow
up she came, and
minutes passed
as we we two waited,
me and her
where had she gone?
she came up in the exactly same place
that she dove
what a strange kind of joy
I made a thousand vows today,
one after the other,
I swore to lock it down,
in these hard times of my mind,
to figure it out,
I’m glad I broke these thousand vows
that I made today
one after the other
By nm on Jun 2, 2010
When
In the shadow of this moment
We talk
I find further wonder
In how
Nothing I know
And how
Everything I feel
By shoin on Jun 4, 2010
i know you secretly read this
so i embed here a birthday wish for you
your life is one big teaching
of appreciating
everything
you were born in a time of great trauma
but conceived with such love
brought to safety in your mother’s womb
this is still you legacy:
compassion, atonement, berlin, youthful aging
and so much more
thank you
for all that you notice
with such boundless joy
may you sit on that veranda
watching
for many cold moons
the speckled bananas
the vendors
the change
all those you love
as beloved as you are
to us all
By Navah on Jun 5, 2010
[dream in the park]
teachers
teach students to be teachers
students teach students
to be students [and teachers]
students teach teachers . to be teachers and to be
students
[and all together] I’ve typed the word each so many times now, its phonemes have lost all meaning
and guess what
I have a sneaking suspicion
I’m
teaching myself right now
but what is
this
teaching
[ right now} what
is its start and its end??
is it all about?..?
check it out.
By nm on Jun 7, 2010
what is buddha?
a fire god seeking fire
can we seek the fire, buddha, alone?
even if we have all the answers we need
or do we need that connection
to a sangha and teacher?
your latest post nm, made me think about
Roshi’s latest podcast on Intimacy.
if you did not listen to that
check it out.
By NS on Jun 7, 2010
I think the truly arrogant
feel the necessity of interconnection
with the love and support
of other living being
and it hurts him
destroys him
that he has to bow down to others, to be with them and receive their hurt and love,
equally
taking
taking
he makes the beauty of love into consumption
an angry fix
what a waste,
he sets the world on fire
his eyes burn
his ears burn
his mind and consciousness burn
will destroy him and
his precious
vanity
people (myself included) who think they get it, need more help than anyone I know
By wks218@nyu.edu on Jun 9, 2010
” Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God. “
By wks218@nyu.edu on Jun 9, 2010
on our walk she takes in
the entire world
through her nose
i watch
her practice
no separation
By NS on Jun 13, 2010
my heart turns inside out
the blood
drains
out of my face
when I hear your voice on the phone
Moving
Moving
this is the koan i get wrong
over and over again
when i ask you to stay
when i want you
not to change.
By NS on Jun 16, 2010
watching a pbs documentary on the mentally ill
in state prisons
with demons ten thousand times the strength of mine
lock in
unpadded rooms
for 30 years,
alone with them
jesus christ
how can I be happy now
how can I try to attain equanimity knowing
this now
hearing screams like that
hm?
now I’m going to a yoga class
I’ve been spared those depths of madness
poverty, fear, abuse
now what…
By nm on Jun 16, 2010
Years ago I read in “The heart of Understanding”
by Thich Nhat Hanh
something like
“when I bow to the altar, I am
bowing to myself”
and I thought
angrily
this is some feel-good nonsense
but maybe I see now
when I bow,
I am bowing to myself
I’m am bowing to what is not myself
I am the whole world bowing
I’m bowing
and no part of this world bows
without my help
and that’s all there is
pretty much
from there I can
cast off
If the self that read that passage could see me now
as I bow
to “feel-good nonsense”
By nm on Jun 20, 2010
bicycle clicks from wall rack
falls, strikes my head and I’m down
stars
got the grip, not the spike of the gears
not the metal pedal claw
I’m alive
that was close
be careful everyone…
By nm on Jun 20, 2010
talk talk talk, in the library
I’m sitting right here, ladies, book in hand
you don’t know I have an exam,
you don’t even see me
I appreciate my anger
for what it is
roots dissolve
By nm on Jun 23, 2010
dying
moment to moment
is a such graceful
subtle
art
By nm on Jun 27, 2010
my cat went to the vet today
taken from the lap of luxury, napping on the couch
poked and prodded
handled by people he didn’t know
jabbed with needles
poor cat
he came back looking as pretty beat up
pretty upset with the whole deal
of being a cat
its ok, Ginger
let’s have a bad day together
By nm on Jul 8, 2010
With my family
is a good place to discover who I am
and as my notion of family
becomes ever more
and my notion of self….
well
I have them to ground me
as my breath enters my lungs
my heart opens
and my hears hear the words of my brother
father, and mother
who brought me here
to this life
By nm on Jul 9, 2010
I don’t know
By nm on Jul 9, 2010
The hand that holds the
yoked oxen,
unruly and strong,
becomes tired
and that tiredness
fatigues the land the farmer
tills,
the heart and mind
in the gentlest way you know
let it fall to your side
farmer?
let it fall
By nm on Jul 12, 2010
when I sit
I sometimes imagine that I am alone
stupid!
In new york city
do I imagine I am alone?
or in our greatest possible
opportunity for love, compassion and joy
to just spread like beautiful static
zapping along a vast circuit-board
aching for
connection
I know I am
flowers in season
bloom together
don’t Buddhas do the same?
By nm on Jul 13, 2010
To the Sangha,
out there in the peaceful
wide open
thank you for existing
and being a place of refuge
for those willing to open themselves up
to the possibility of
a new kind of community
thank you
By nm on Jul 13, 2010
to the sangha,
somehow I don’t feel I need to send this out
into the electronics
but this message is from the heart
I’m getting on a train and
crashing your sesshin
because
after all
I still don’t know how to sit still
By nm on Aug 2, 2010
nm-
just wanted to write a line
it seems like you have been left hanging here
all
alone
but know
you never are
we just got busy
in crazy retreat
jukai ceremony
schedules.
sitting still
moving
it is all the same to me
the practice is all of the same
i wish i knew who you were!
introduce yourself to me
sometime
By Tôrei on Aug 10, 2010
sometimes being alone
is the best company
I’m happy in the rain that’s falling all around
so don’t feel to bad for me
I have my life
and so have you
your life too
By nm on Aug 23, 2010
how true…
maybe it just seemed lonely here to me
after there was such aliveness
in the communication
between our small little
almost hidden
blog group
i had such burst of creativity here
an awakening
and my energy is moving now to other places
maybe i was feeling the loss
as it seems to fades away
into browser history
but perhaps allowing new things to come…
to emerge
just like our lives.
gassho.
By Torei on Aug 24, 2010
I’m glad your energy has awakened
don’t hold it tight
I try to give it away
although that is sometimes uncomfortable for me
to give away my hate and anger
what a beautiful thing to imagine that my fear and lonliness
can bring such happiness if I just said one word
one solitary lonely word with all my heart
where it could be heard
by all the solitary lonely hearts that walk around
waiting for someone
to speak
live is very hard, we all need to pull together
because being lonely sucks
but at least we can be lonely, together
By nm on Aug 26, 2010
some days
in the past I read the Flower Garland Sutra
nowadays, I read it in the sun
but still, as Roshi said
its not about being in dreamland
“its how we position ourselves in the world”
that is the most skillful teaching of all
for me the hardest
forget the energy of our
wonderful pores
and whatnot
this Bodhisattva needs a job
and place to live, teach and be present
that’s a good thing too
By nm on Aug 27, 2010
cool and damp August
wet leaves under my bare feet
too cold for fireflies
By nm on Aug 29, 2010
what does freedom mean?
freedom meas freedom from everything
bad AND good
the real dragon is a lot different than the painted ones
he’s not cute
he’s not beautiful
the kind of dragon I choose to be
is the kind of dragon who goes through hell
so no one else has to
when we draw our sword in anger
we enter our living hell
when we sheath it under the same circumstances
well…that’s as close to heaven as there is
who is strong enough to do that?
if you’re not strong enough to face the real dragon,
freedom isn’t for you
and neither is the buddha way
but on the other side is real love
the kind of love that lasts forever
and tastes like cold air
By nm on Aug 29, 2010
but then again
“hatred is not conquered by hatred, but by fear,
this is an eternal law”
I like that
By nm on Aug 30, 2010
that should’ve said “love” instead of “fear”
lighthearted I ride the bus
to downtown new haven
the busy churches, soup kitchens and Yale campus
are a new home
and I’m thankful
on my own now
doing my best
By nm on Sep 3, 2010
sick
heart pounding
times like these
ah
sometimes I wonder
hands white and moist
I play the guitar and sing
effortless peace
By nm on Sep 7, 2010
fond memories
angry memories
heartbeat, crickets and passing cars
By nm on Sep 8, 2010
heard the bodhidharma talk online
roshi sounds good
paul sounds VERY good
it made me feel good to hear ‘em
wandering the library at Yale
a collection of japanese dharani
and a video of a man grinding ink
its hard work
and it took a long time
“the process is almost complete”
said the narrator
then it
goes on the paper real smooth
like silk
how’d he make it seem so easy?
he probably forgot all the work it took to learn
that’s his secret
I’ll bet
now his work has become his play
I could learn a lot from the painter
but hell
right now I’ll wander around New Haven for a few days
By nm on Sep 9, 2010
hmmmm
emptiness and compassion
not only aren’t exclusive to one another
they are each other
if I empty
while talking to a suffering person
belittled
wow!
watch their expression change!
watch that emptiness
so austere, right?
just create the space for their feelings to bloom
in the park the other week
homeless man, in from new mexico
conversation
first pride,
then red hot anger,
then something white
and calm
“nice to meet you”
By nm on Sep 10, 2010
I find it so
utterly painful
when zen teachers reify zen practice
especially in detriment to other practies
“Christians care what you believe,
but BUDDHISTS care what you DO”
are you Kidding me?
jesus
when Thich Nhat Hanh, when asked the difference between buddhism and other religions, other practices
he said “no difference”
and he wasn’t kidding
I see that now
when we all just up and do the right thing
who needs zen?
well, I do
but that’s because I’m me
By nm on Sep 10, 2010
the gift that keeps on giving
literally
I can’t stop it, can you?
just try not to give someone attention who needs it
just try not to tell the truth
just try to say something unkind
just try to think something racist, sexist….doesn’t it hurt?
it hurts me..
the natural order of mind is to be free from clinging
and whole load of other stuff too
but full of laughter
full of sadness
full of caring worry!
and forgetting
full so full of energy that just comes from the situation
no need to store it up
just let it fly!
out in the open!
let that mothah breathe!
who am i?
don’t know
and more importantly
don’t care
dragon fly died today
he’s on the stoop, in the sun
I held him as the fall cold air took his last movement
I’m glad he was
By nm on Sep 11, 2010
remembering a dream I had
months ago, before the summer ango
the doors of my house could open,
but there was no promise there was an outside
touching the floor, the floor touched back
left alone, each moment was aloof
heartrendingly so
when I felt
so sure…
that I was a kind caretaker
and was cared for, kindly
with all of my imperfections
so much emptiness, empty of what?
letting go of letting go
gone
By nm on Sep 11, 2010
yesterday’s practice was
madness
sadness
and barroom reverie
I sang the blues
today
I get up and eat
and enjoy the rain
it doesn’t end
does it?
humbled
I wait for a time when I can
find a way
and that waiting
fills me
“not clinging to a single thing”
sounds like a mandate
certainly not clinging can be the hardest thing imaginable
but right now
where could I be other than here?
regretting?
By nm on Sep 13, 2010
Dogen, I hear you brother
“there is no practice outside of realization
and there is no realization outside of practice”
even if the two are years apart
and it takes us 7 years to know what those words mean
we think we’re practicing
but its just thorns in the mud
brother
sometimes I have to give up entirely
the hairsbreadth of ego I have left
which is next to nothing
not intellectually, I don’t sit
but actually give it away to another person
give to the world
avoiding nothing
then nothing
follows quick
“when one carries oneself forward…”
By nm on Sep 13, 2010
when the 6th ancestor asked
his attacker if he had come for the dharma
or the robe
he said
“well,
I’m already wearing a monk’s robe,
and I guess I’m already the dharma, buddha and sangha…
so,
I guess I actually came to help you,
Huineng”
By nm on Sep 14, 2010
if I had the money
I’d purchase tompkins square park
and build a temple made from old and fragrant woods
clean tatami, white paper screens
it would be beautiful,
very Japanese
the only caveat is that it would have more,
perhaps,
than the usual number of flowers
in fact, it would have tons of flowers
different varieties, raucous yellows and pinks
clashing smells
pine sap mixed with honeysuckle
lavender mixed with sickly sweet orchid
that would be the only caveat of my philanthropy
“keep the flower sellers in business”
the park would still function around the temple, of course
people would mill around and pass by the silence inside
hear the many people chanting
and the fragrance of the city would blow in and mix with
our incense and flowers
we’d never pretend we were somewhere else
not even for a moment
our samadhi would be filled with the city
our stilled hearts and minds
accompanied by the yelling of children
and old folks playing guitar and singing
so when we walked outside, after our morning, afternoon and evening service
from our beautiful, spacious
flower filled dojo
we’d flow right into the thick of things
like the stillness of a pool
meeting the different stillness of a rushing
river rapid
By nm on Sep 14, 2010
Hungry ghosts
hungry ghosts are spirits
too weak to stand on their own, they drift
to willow trees, graveyards
scenes of violence
and siphon off the energy around them
energy vampires, as it were
people bring out offerings, call out their names
and leave something at the door
no one likes a hungry ghosts, however, it is because these people are ignorant
of their own nature
a hungry ghost shows up and suddenly the arrogant feel just a little uneasy about how wonderful they think they are,
or uncertain about their presumptions
the sarcastic suddenly find their words sticking in their throat
the forceful find it difficult to push their way around
the sad find it difficult to indulge in their melancholy
again,
no one likes a hungry ghost, but
a hungry ghost is buddha, too
some people don’t know how much they suffer,
even holy people walk around with their crosses
actually increasing the suffering around them
like tibetan gods, high up
creating superation between the holy and unholy,
setting themselves up for the BIG fall,
we’ve all done it…even in Zen austerity everyone has a chip
on his or her shoulder
but a hungry ghost shows up, maybe makes them feel uncomfortable
hungrily sucks off the extra
forces them to like oryoki
for real
in the tibetan mandalas the buddha is surrounded by bodhisattvas
they aren’t all human
some are gods, some are animals
and some are hungry ghosts
buddha hungry ghosts!
perhaps the least popular, but aren’t bodhisattvas hungry ghosts too?
dancing around, unwanted, bothering all the blissful and ignorant
samsaric devotees?
pissing them off?
there’s no doubt the hungry ghosts are miserable, ugly, and unpleasant
but in the end their nature is pure
still, its not a happy lot being one
no solace
alone, with no offerings
the hungry ghost resembles a lot society
drug addicts, cast off people in old person’s homes
the lonely, unwanted
all those elements of society that don’t “fit in” that make
all the happy, well-adjusted humans and gods
a little uncomfortable,
too hoighty toighty to actually realize the dharma of “cause and effect”
that they are the hungry ghost, that without their
abuse, violent stupidity and poisonous greed
they wouldn’t’ exist
maybe to see where they’ll end up? or
in fact, already are
namu
hungry ghosts
By nm on Sep 15, 2010
“Of course there are rough as well as gentle waves in the ocean; strong emotions come, like anger, desire jealousy. The real practitioner of Dzogchen [Zen] recognizes them not as a disturbance or obstacle, but as a great opportunity. … To react to emotions in this way empowers them and binds us even tighter in the chains of delusion.
The great secret of [Zen] is to see right through them as soon as they arise, to what they really are: the vivid and electricity manifestation of [Tathata] itself….
…The practitioner discovers… that not only do violent emotions not necessarily sweep you away and drag you back into the whirlpools of your own neuroses, they can actually be used [if accepted] to deepen, embolden, invigorate and strengthen [Tathata]….
“The tempestuous energy becomes raw food of the awakened-energy of [Mind Essence]”
- The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
By nm on Sep 15, 2010
at the kwan um school
in new haven
a red-faced sensei, kind and huge
recently sober
a young man with pale skin, a bent back
and a troubled mind
a reiki practioner,
a goofy kid from downtown
and me
across from me was fire
a young man, formal student
I forget his name
burning up inside
[but aren't we all]
my cheeks burned, finally some calm came to the room
oh my heart
I came out unsure, unsteady, shaken
is this what its like?
to reach out a hand you have to stand
right next to someone
no matter if they’re in heaven or hell
everyone was feeling pretty good after wards,
except me, well
maybe it’ll get easier
thank you roshi
By nm on Sep 16, 2010
filter this wonderful dharma
through their lives
storytelling, when I really don’t know anything
so much bullshit,
so much tangible
do I hear pain in someone’s voice? or my own?
or does it matter
if it makes me accept my
self and others
By Daruma on Sep 16, 2010
I spent my whole life
wishing I was a little bit….something
my head aches, when will that stop?
great potential
trapped in the body of a brat
with nothing
By Daruma on Sep 17, 2010
but a family
a roof over his head
and his health
so, everything I need
By Daruma on Sep 17, 2010
sitting next to a
mildy schizophrenic woman
selling flowers
someone comes up says
“mind if I sit next to you”
I thought he was talking to the woman
now my stomach aches
is this what its like to have someone
invite himself?
I don’t know his name…
I keep forgetting how to meditate
sometimes it doesn’t do anything at all
especially alone, I don’t even care
its really not about me anymore
although I wish everything was a littler smoother
sometimes
I wish I could be with you all
pictures
Roshi, Anraku, Tokuyu, Ryotan, Shinryu, Fugan, Myoko, Bokushu, Paul, Shuzen (who I haven’t met) Chodo, Koshin, Joshin
all buddhas past future and present
everyone else
just looking
at the shuso hossen pictures
changes me entirely
By Daruma on Sep 17, 2010
and I know you’re all doing wonderfully,
and if not
I hope I feel it too
By Daruma on Sep 17, 2010
ahhh.
i enjoy returning once again
it feels like my little secret home
where mystery friends
leave me lots of beautiful notes
of all that breathes through their days
it is late
and i am in between
the prayers of my past coursing through my body
i stood swaying with thousands of people
pounding my heart with a hard fist
but with a soft spirit
greed anger and ignorance
all the ways i have hurt others and myself
i am one with it
i have made peace with all that i am still
fighting with
it is ok.
i will go tomorrow to the zazenkai
and let it all rise
and settle
my knees will ache
my stomach will grumble
and i will know
i am alive
i have made it
here
By Tôrei on Sep 17, 2010
hell
there are pockets of hell all over the world
spaces and times
where grown men once children
don’t hesitate to kill
in america we trivialize murder
its amazing
not even killing
but straight up, balls out psychopathic murder
Pulp Fiction for example
I saw that when I was 13
I thought I had gone to hell
and, in a way I had
people! I know we’re not supposed to preach
but fuck!
stop watching these shows, its not even “desensitizing” as the media claims
Especially zen people should know
I’m talking to YOU Eido Roshi
in whiskey bottles, abusive fathers
diamond mines,
rented rooms and abandoned children
I have friends my age
I dunno man, makes me feel like I’m 80 years old
even though I’m 25
sometimes i see how close they are to the edge
another drink, another angry thought
“that guy is going to kill somebody”
I don’t know what to do, since they choose it
in this life and the next
they’re living hell
I guess two people choose to go to hell, the ignorant and the wise
I have been to hell, in my ways
my excursions doing more harm to myself than
anyone else
of course,
I have fueled hell all over the earth just by living
in a country that refuses to believe in the
rest of the world
tonight I had a bad dream, but maybe it was someone else’s
and I was there for them
By Daruma on Sep 18, 2010
Torei,
You soul is so gentle
I don’t know what I’ve done to be surrounded by so many
sweet people lately
(even on the internet)
but whatever it is,
I’m going to keep it up
By Daruma on Sep 18, 2010
I was washing tables after the soup kitchen closed
circles on the wet plastic
talking to my friend
I said the word “AIDs”
and it came out like a swear
I felt him not only recoil
I winced
he got up from the table
wouldn’t go near me
whole tone changed
smiles to wariness
I don’t even have AIDS
I think about some people I know
who might have to deal with it
I mean, I understand, I’m working at a soup kitchen
but I feel injured
is that what that feels like?
Should I watch what I say, or just be aware
that people are the way they are
certain topics
By Daruma on Sep 18, 2010
the cicadas here
don’t rival the roaring seas
of insect wings, on the hudson river
with my kind of people
By Daruma on Sep 18, 2010
Love is a funny thing
sometimes it comes out all backwards
sometimes it lashes out
but it means well
it really does
it really does
love, compassion, joy and selflessness
that’s all I need to practice
the sooner forget the rest
the better
love is a funny funny thing
By Daruma on Sep 19, 2010
I found him
practicing alone, struggling to keep himself “real”
seung sahn sahim’s student
now middle aged, yale buddhist chaplain
beautiful singer
glittering glass eyes
just about floating away
I don’t know if I helped him
he probably thinks I’m a bad guy
but you’ve got to come down
after you go up
By Daruma on Sep 19, 2010
true one taste zen
is one taste
By Daruma on Sep 19, 2010
my heart is so full of love
love really is pink
its pink and warm
and its just like a valentine
my love was there
when the worst of it happened
in fact
my love was the reason that
the worst happened at all
love
my vow was this
“I want the power to help everyone I’ve ever met,
…and meet?”
then my heart
and everything else snapped open
I nearly died
and now I am full of love
LOVE
whoever is reading this
I
Love
You
By Daruma on Sep 19, 2010
There’s one thing that concerns me
“the buddha way is unattainable, I vow to attain it”
now
the whole idea is that there is an anuttara samyak sambodhi
every branch (tibetan, chan, zen) describes this
Maezumi Roshi said
“after this, there’s simply nothing left to do except to share your realization with others”
and yet
like a big contentious sore thumb
we chant
the buddha way is “unattainable”
well, actually the translation is
“unsurpassable”
“undefile-able”
The buddha is attainable
I vow to attain it, and share it with others
By Daruma on Sep 22, 2010
Let’s use the conditional: the translation ‘might be’ rather than ‘is’
Actually, we have no idea what it ‘is’ and that’s why a lot of thought and discernment has gone into the choice of using ‘attainment.’
Attainment echoes nicely with an appropriate koan:
“Daitsu Chishu sat many kalpas and did not attain Buddhahood – why?”
Let’s try a little humility when offering the teachings, eh?
By Roshi on Sep 22, 2010
I don’t know why I’m so antagonistic all the time
…
I guess I get scared
to lose control (as if I were actually in control)
in some ways I like the feeling of being pulled
towards an objective
now with a little understanding
and a little bit of stability
I’m cocky
I’ll do my best to be humble
but it helps sometimes
I hope I’m doing the right thing
each day is different
my practice is being here
sitting in coffee shops
looking for work
yoga
listening to crazy people
and its amazing
how much that can do
to heal me
By Daruma on Sep 24, 2010
I’m an antagonistic ass
sometimes
I like to roar a little bit
inconsequentially
pretend I’m in control
humility will be my middle name from now on
By Daruma on Sep 24, 2010
gathering in what’s left
to stay or go?
the city or the country
was it a dream?
does it matter?
By Daruma on Sep 24, 2010
I just don’t get it sometimes
where does all this come from
philosophy doesn’t make me smile like it used to
I’ll try to enjoy the sunrise
but i find it so hard
when I feel like I’m letting
everyone down
By Daruma on Sep 24, 2010
suffering is suffering
if you’re sitting with someone two steps from the big deal
or you give a seconds peace to a crackhead
who’s just going to take that feeling
and smoke it
well
its all the same
picking and choosing is hard
I’m choosing to drink some beer
goddamnit it
you guys give some great dharma talks
my mind doesn’t fly that high
not usually
its good to have you out there
By Daruma on Sep 25, 2010
myoko’s laugh alone
is teisho enough for me
By Daruma on Sep 25, 2010
its been a long
long, long time
By Ryokan on Sep 27, 2010
I don’t mind the whole world
the trick is to be like a fire-eating dragon
and snap at the fire source
if you catch it, you’re burned alive
wonderful wonderful
if you don’t
its no problem
you’re a fiery dragon
burning up
By Taizan on Sep 28, 2010
I’ve run out of things to say
history
the rocks and trees
contact
the touching of two objects
two people
that is
prayer
selflessly sing among
each other
even hatred
can open into the light
when i think
I know I am in your heart
and you are in mine
speak without thinking
yell, scream, curse
no rules just aware
it’ll all work out
I have faith in myself
but I take care
we are all Buddhas
and we practice because
we are buddhas
whatever practice may be
By Taizan on Sep 29, 2010
healing others
I learned
how to heal myself
By Taizan on Sep 29, 2010
thank you everyone
By Taizan on Oct 1, 2010
for healing me
By Taizan on Oct 1, 2010
the funny thing about
getting hit by the Kyosaku
is that you ask for it
you ask to be awakened
but if you’re actually waiting for it
it doesn’t work
the best strike comes when you least expect it
pow!
who’s doing the hitting?
By Taizan on Oct 2, 2010
it ain’t the sensei,
that’s for sure
By Taizan on Oct 2, 2010
good work
the ordinary
is ok for some
but that’s not
for us
ha!
is it
extra
ordinary
way
?
fire walker
firefly
By Taizan on Oct 3, 2010
I take care though
heat leaves the body
to return
or not
I’m freezing
we should all
take care of ourselves and
each other
with all our hearts
By Hotaru on Oct 3, 2010
I met a few buddhas in my time
some didn’t even know it
one was a buddha of the kindest kind
so
gentle,
so loving
int tune
heart warming
one was a madman
who sat for a year
and then became a warrior
when it all “came back”
he lived hell
without knowing his buddha nature
I knew a floating woman
a mother and ghost
who enlightened
not to be crude
with the most amazing sex I’ve ever had
lowlifes walking into the zendo
that’s a test
don’t fuck it up
I hope everyone is ok
By Hotaru on Oct 3, 2010
there’s a calm in the air tonight
beautiful and cool
that’s nothing
my feet are throbbing from a long
walk
sick of the madness
I use to stay sane
sleep will come easy tonight
By Hotaru on Oct 3, 2010
hmmmm.
i can’t sleep tonight
so i thought i would come and visit
i do feel less alone now
although i know i never really
am
i find myself sometimes wondering
what would it really feel like
to fully recognize
that I have everything i need
i am love, I don’t need to grasp
perfect just as i am
even as i write this
i know
i have a long way to go
and it’s Ok
it’s late
and who really cares?
the cold moon hangs over me
even when the curtains are drawn.
By Tôrei on Oct 4, 2010
we really are never alone
I hope that
when I am fully present in my body
I am with everyone I’ve ever met
and will meet
at once
holding their hand in perfect equanimity
I’m doing the best I know how
I really am
I don’t know anything really, figuring it out as I go along
and sharing it the best way I know how
trusting myself is nearly impossible
I wish someone would just give me clear directions
clear directions
because especially in those hazy spots
those spots in between
action
indecision
between here and the next
I can’t tell what I’m supposed to do
I feel like I’m floating away
or worse
into somewhere I’m not supposed to be
my heart hurts when that happens
and I wish for a gentler way
what is my place?
is it at the top (as I might like it to be)
or at the bottom
or like all of us
a jewel struck up in a web of many jewels
that shimmer when touched with light
am I a thief or a gift-giver
am I a murder or a doctor
a lover or a taker of love
where does my aversion
cease being productive?
By Hotaru on Oct 4, 2010
its just that
drifting away
I find out that I’m still at war with the world
throwing fireballs into the night
growling curses
on the defensive
how can this be?
consistency
said Bernie Roshi
“be consisent!”
I don’t see any consistency inside of me
I don’t constitute anything
taking care of myself seems to involve
embracing every part of me
every part
and trusting it
do I relax or concentrate
my breathing is constricted
it would be so much better
if I could just let it all go
gently
into a peaceful existence
but was my existence meant to be peaceful
By Hotaru on Oct 4, 2010
someone wise I once knew
said of me
“you drink it [life] to easily
and slander it too quickly”
and she was right
of course
learning how to breath in
and out
yours truly
By Hotaru on Oct 4, 2010
how do I feel when my love is away?
does it worry you to be alone,
how do I feel at the end of the day?
am I sad because I’m on my own
no baby
I get high with a little help from my friends
By akira on Oct 5, 2010
a dream
riding the bus
as a smallish child
a light went on inside my head
or perhaps
a space
and I thought, hearing those children around me
“no on is thinking like I think”
sometimes things require a little space,
when things occur
over the years I could feel that clearness be filled in
with everything coming in around me
everyone
seemed to be missing something vital
I could feel the clearness blur
and distort
and I went inside myself
all the while holding on to my space
but when I learned to strike
I did
at myself
at everything
I found a new side of myself
that wasn’t afraid to die
and that was comforting for a while
I saw things I just kept to myself
and possibilities other people hadn’t considered
my saving grace that my space could be used for other things
besides driving me insane
I could use it to write
and to talk
and to fall in love
but the trouble with space is that is soaks up everything
with no seperation
a lot of things got in
that I LET in
and all my energy seemed to go into maintaining my inner world
and my body got weak
and my heart got weak
but still I seemed to always be in the right place at the right time
everyone was profiting from my acquaintance
except me
its weird
to always view your life like a stack of razors
stacked edge to edge
that won’t fall over no matter how hard
you try
anyway, I came home eventually
first I met Helen who taught me how to hate
then I met Angie who taught me how to love
and then I kept on meeting people
and each one enriches me and I enrich them
and I love it
and when I go to sleep I really don’t know where I’m going
I just go
I can’t always understand my dreams
and I go a little a few times a month
but I always seem to come back
someone must have my back
even though I have to do everything myself
and am so stubborn
all those pieces are out there waiting to be put back together
between students and teachers
between family and friends
between strangers
between myself
By Hotaru on Oct 5, 2010
back from ecuador
curled up on the edge, on the floor
break open, shower of golden rain
I cry
sitting in the zendo
bubbles
oh, thoughts are things too!
struggling, Shinryu yells
“stay in your experience!”
golden rain
golden rain all around me
its not for anyone to give,
this dharma
its a loving art
and sharing is its method
people have shared with me
so much of themselves
By Hotaru on Oct 5, 2010
its all good
By Hotaru on Oct 8, 2010
just one last thing
then I think I’ve got to move on
the 6th patriach says it all
I recommend that sutra
bodhi is something you may have to work very hard to realize
but its also something you always have
and can never lose
no one gives it to you
not one person can transmit bodhi
its not the special abilities
or the brainwashing
or any particular sensation
its just you
your life
and if you have can’t accept that
and go looking for something
you’re going to come to a certain point…
where you wish you weren’t so inquistive
because in the really messed up
this of realization
kind of requires you to go all the way crazy
so dont’ start it if you’re not going to finish it
and certainly don’t pawn it off on others
good lord
By Ikkyu on Oct 11, 2010
today
hour
after
hour
i sit and witness so much suffering
the tissue box slowly empties
crumpled piles
by the end of the day
your tears tear through my heart
i can only offer you
this
By torei on Oct 12, 2010
well I appreciate you
listening to my poem
don’t take it too seriously
I doubt I suffer any more than anyone else
and I certainly have caused enough suffering in my
life
to know when to stop
peace
By Ikkyu on Oct 12, 2010
I’m going to get real for a minute
real technical
just so no one worries about me
each day is getting easier
and although I don’t agree with a lot of the things
people tell me
in way of advice
I appreciate the spirit in which it is offered
but honestly
its physically uncomfortable for me to sit next to people meditating
rips me up inside
I nearly passed out last time at tai chi
I need like 10 feet at least between me and other people
so if you don’t see me around the zendo don’t take it personally
its just that’ I can’t handle proximity
peace
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 16, 2010
Healing is so painful sometimes
and why the is so Zen school is so wonderful
is because it is the ordinariness
of this extraordinary life
i guess when i first began zen
like Michael Stone said
I was filled with the deluded kind of emptiness
that dumb, null, zoned out
that seemed to be sanctioned
by all these black zabutons
how wrong I was
how very wrong
I take refuge in the ordinary world
in the places I’ve been and the
wonderful people
and I’m sorry
for all the harm I’ve caused
I’m doing so well now
each day is something new
and I owe it all to you
all
and that’s not to say I won’t suffer
because i will
I know i will
I’ll suffer more actually
but the nature of suffering has changed for me
like
maybe I’m suffering because life is such a
heartbreak
such a wonderful heartbreak for all of us
peace
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 18, 2010
Come back already Roshi
it’s a dew drop world
and yet
when you are gone
i miss you so much.
By NS on Oct 19, 2010
I miss her too
although I don’t know when the next time is I’ll see her
I guess its up to the circumstances
although I’m always available
and come when called
although some things have happened lately
that test my faith in myself
I’m down to the nitty gritty
planting the seeds of virture as it were
compassion, calmness of mind, word and deed
all those really obvious things
I need a lot of work
a lot
before I can teach what I know
I have to embody it entirely
and each day is promising new rewards
and like electric current
I light up my world
with me
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 20, 2010
riding the bus
the wailing of the mentally challenged
becomes calm
the old black ladies are my friends
we share a similar outlook
I love the street and the vibrations
of the rumbling bus
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 20, 2010
recommendations
people don’t realize how valuable and
healing this attention is
give out hugs
look people in the eye
hold hands
listen compassionately
I don’t see why we can’t all be like this
goto musical concerts and bear
witness to the voices around you
feel the energy of the room
let it dissolve you
watch the joy arrive
these moments are so precious for
people who do not know how to still their minds
hand it out please
don’t hold onto it
my samadhi is a million miles
16 feet in either direction
or
everyone I’ve ever met
or
the whole world
or
this poem
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 22, 2010
I don’t know what to say
I’m sorry?
I guess I’ve always looked for someone to save me
but it looks like I’m the one who’s got to live
I don’t like being in my own head
let alone anyone elses
though I rarely can tell the difference
but I’ve learned to accept it
because I see the good I do all around me
no hard feelings
why would there be
its not anyone’s fault
some people are meant to be happy
and some people have a very hard time being
so
I’m one of them
and ironically
I am capable of bringing incredible happiness to those around me
so I’m sorry if I’ve been out of line
and I really apologize for being
the brat
someday I’ll grow up
like tomorrow maybe
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 24, 2010
in the end its easy for me to feel very bleak
but that’s not it
life is a canvas
sure
there’s no real “point to it”
there’s nothing really to hope for
except
hope itself is a wonderful thing
on this canvas how will I paint
I could help the whole world and still be miserable
but can I be content
when I die?
which is all the time
I fill myself with water
and the realization of interconnection
is not “aha”
but a feeling
I feel anger when people yell at me when I meditate
in my heart
it injures me
jealous boyfriends
love from people
I feel it
I feel my life flow out of me
day by day
and there’s no hope
of course
but hope itself
is something I love
and it doesn’t cost anything
I’m not entirely responsible
I can do my best but
its up to everyone around me as well
how we take it
when confronted with the truth or
real love?
do I cringe or rejoice?
would I rather live in a closed off universe
where the people in my life are
characters in a stupid
movie?
or can I embrace them to the fullest
and accept them?
even when I can’t stand them
when they are stuck up
hypocritical
and unpleasant recidivism abounds
but in the end it doesn’t cost anything
to be content
and everything flows
just right
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 26, 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0mxOXbWIU
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 27, 2010
the message of this song is
a little deeper than the title
lets have
a laugh
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 27, 2010
intense
pain
cells cringe
for days
what is going on?
am I in the wrong?
or is this whole place
toxic
Longing for the old days
when I knew the direction from where came
my suffering
now everything is very tender
I don’t know
By Houn-Jikai on Oct 28, 2010
ah well
its life
times of intense sickness and pain
and bad mistakes that rebound on me
“like fine dust thrown into the wind”
and times of health and joy
but always acceptance
acceptance and perseverance
if the truth were a color
what color would it be?
if I could sweep away all the misunderstanding
maybe I could swim through life
freely
someday
someday I will
or if not
that’s ok too
By Houn Jikai on Nov 1, 2010
I’ve always loved sleeping
that sweet drifting off
is the best part in my humble o
but sometimes I feel a little guilty
because I sleep so much
and people are out there
getting up early
going out and doing hard work
so that I can sleep
in my comfy bed
like a lazy tomcat
By Houn Jikai on Nov 2, 2010
like a pyramid scheme
I’m just hoping its like beatles song
“the love you take is equal to the love you make”
the more of it out there
the better we all feel
sure
when I walk
my body is at peace
my mind is at peace
but I’m just one cell
in the body of the world
I’ve spent most of my life
devouring others and not letting them
touch me at all
and I can feel the connection grow
By Houn Jikai on Nov 2, 2010
good advice is good advice
if it comes from me
or others
who cares?
I do get a little sick of it all
but I have today
learned a new lesson
one that in my erudition
I had completely forgotten
“the teisho of the body is the harbor and the weir”
I have to take care of myself
I still have a hard time with that
today it means getting up earlier
because although i find myself completely
unable to cause harm to others
somehow
I still have have a bent towards self destruction
and that has to stop
because hurting myself
even if its just by pushing my limits
only slightly
even if I don’t really care
hurts others
and that I can’t abide
its tricky
I’m so sensitive I feel like I can’t breathe
when the air is thick
the world pulses and lives
and I’m happy to be a part of it
and to be healed by the presence
of people and trees
and wind
but I’ve still got a lot of inner work to do
self-reproach
self-aggrandizement
and there is a sense
of peace
that I want to continue through day
evening and when the sun breaks
By Houn Jikai on Nov 4, 2010
I should’ve known
but it still happened
sirens
a man screaming his crrazy joylove for god
cops
his kid in a wheelchair
I’m sitting there
with my guitar
there was no intention
I just happend to be there
singing
with all my heart
but still
I know that sometimes,,,
I have to be aware
I hope he’s ok
he was crying with joy
but still
…
i sing softer now
wordlessly
without moving my lips
By Houn Jikai on Nov 4, 2010
I’m feeling kind of inspired to share some stuff
and I hope it will be taken in the true sense of
how I mean it, the expression of what I’ve experienced
how I see it now
which is open to revision
but i really think its necessary that I reiterate this for myself
because as a person of 25 years
I’ve already physically died more than once
and I’ve come very close several times
besides
true zazen, or the 4th dhyana or whatever you want to call it
is very close to realizing what occurs when you die
and, like everything
the experience of death can either be liberating
or you can run from it forever, until, of course
it catches up
but it doesn’t actually have to be that bad, its actually
kind of interesting
and positive, and believe me
we’re all dying all the time, but in dying we
share out life with each other
in such an intimate, sublte way
call it what you will
but when you realize your true nature
you realize you’re dying constantly
and that’s when I, actually
began to live my life
and to live with other people, intimately
By Houn Jikai on Nov 4, 2010
in meditation
I feel like I’m just allowing my body to flower open
and my mind becomes silent
and my consciousness passes lightly over each thing that arises
dispassionately, but with a positive embrace
that’s how I try to live life to
when I meet a person I try to embrace and let go of them
at the same time
if they are horrible negative howver
as some thoughts or feelings can be
I realize that there can be no intimacy with things or people like that
its just destructive to us both
it may sound a little cold, but its not
I treat people like my mind in dhyana silence
and include them as best I can
By Houn Jikai on Nov 4, 2010
ok that’s it
I give up
I admit it
I haven’t a clue
but I’ll tell you something
life is one step ahead of me
and that’s fine
if I was a different person in a different
time and place
I’d be living in a monastary
no doubt
but I’m not
so instead I’m going to have to start to regulate as best I can
even though I feel like I’m being pulled in every
fucking direction
I won’t exaggerate
or make claims to some kind of transcendental suffering
I’ll just live my life, and roll with it
I’m really digging the pali sutras nowadays
because with all the wonderworking of yogic practice
and the transcedence of prajnaparamita
sometimes I need to hear, with the simplicity inherent in all things
truthful
“do good, don’t do bad…purify yourself from moment to moment like a metalworker removing the dross from silver”
and
“no one can purify yourself, oneself is purified by oneself alone”
rule 1: no more sleeping during the day, that seems to get me in all sorts of trouble
By Houn Jikai on Nov 5, 2010
I’ve been reading ‘Wild Ivy”
in which Hakuin gets
as result of his recklessness
a terrible case of “meditation sickness”
and receives help from a venerable taoist priest
I wonder if anyone like that is hanging around
the New Haven suburbs?
By Houn Jikai on Nov 5, 2010
well I broke my rule
it was sunday after all
and took a post-swim nap
quiet, alone
the warmth engulfing me from within
I’m feeling positive
as I get stronger, and less sensitive
I make more mistakes
but I can apply myself a little more
I just have to pay attention to the subtlties of existence
they are not so glaring
the 6 realms are all around
and in my if I let them
but I don’t reproach myself anymore
even if I fall down
I’m always ready to get up
because I’m not afraid of anything
I’ve got to get out of this place though
the city is beautiful
but there is something to be said with living
around
people who practice
one of the names of the buddha was
“the teacher of those who can be taught”
but I’d add he was probably
someone who could learn from those
from whom he could learn
and I’m not learning anything here
where can i go?
new york awaits if I can
figure some way to
get there
back home to the only place that made any sense to me
well
that’s exaggerating
but there’s something about walking through a sea of people
shining
beautiful freedom
expensive freedom
who knows
in the yoga of the boundless lamp
the small lamp that lights a thousand lamps
can light the largest bonfire of all
and thus is the greatest
more beautiful and a powerful light
in the world
steadily it grows
not in size, not in intensity
but it persistence
shedding light in a thousand corners of the world
bringing light here and there
and each light empowers more lamps
and onwards
forever
of course
bravely some lamps take up huge burdens
like the city of new york
some lamps light more than others
sometimes their light gets obscured
but the effects are always there
By Houn Jikai on Nov 7, 2010
don’t worry about me
By Houn Jikai---- on Nov 9, 2010
Myoko Kirin
there’s nothing about you I don’t like
I’m out of here
I’ll see you all when I’m ready
I’ve been grossly misunderstood
but then again
I’ve lied
so
goodbye
you’re all wonderful
By Houn Jikai on Nov 11, 2010
Dear Roshi,
I am planning on going to the Upaya Zen Center for the fall practice period if I can manage it financially.
hope to see you there,
Will
By Houn Jikai 123454 on Nov 16, 2010
Healing in others, I mean…for me I’m not sure exactly what kind of healing I can hope for. Maybe a deeper rootedness…but definitely my focus is on others. Working with them, talking to them…its a pleasure to see them open up even if I’m undergoing some bad experiences.
Still..
By Houn Jikai on Nov 26, 2010
I just realized this morning
that I’m going to die..
I thought I had my head around it..
but
By Houn Jikai on Nov 27, 2010
if I could just say
thank you and I’m sorry
and just leave it at that
then maybe explanations
don’t really matter
how hard it is to say
please help!
so much easier to hide
in another’s assumptions
to play the fool
or the crazy person
well
I’m ready to forgive everyone
and atone
at this moment
with my whole heart
can’t we all be on the same team?
I’m willing
but I know that being honest is the most important thing
so much trouble in my life could’ve been avoided
ah well
I’m here now
asking and giving forgiveness
and saying thank you
and I love you
and I trust
By ahimsika on Dec 19, 2010
I’d say it crystal clear
without malice
I am a good person
I don’t deserve to be hated or hurt
I never intentionally deceived
I don’t calculate
I’ve suffered horribly
for people who i don’t even know
and then been projected on by them
they see their own anger in me
and it hurts me
and when I thought I couldn’t go on
I received help
and I’m thankful
but I’m not a bad person
and I’ve done some things wrong
but out of fear
so how do I move on?
I’m going to forget everything
and cherish the life I have
because I owe it to some
to keep moving forward
straight forward
By WS on Dec 21, 2010
and if I make it through
I’ll repay them
with love
By WS on Dec 21, 2010
I guess I’ve never been a tough person
but I have to ask myself
when people say “don’t be so sensitive! take it easy”
what is tougher?
being entirely open to the world?
or being a tough guy
does being tough mean not feeling?
or does true grit
have a heart and a mind that doesn’t
shield itself
at all
on the other hand
its not skillful to be dead or crazy
so maybe being a bleeding heart
isn’t a great plan
who knows
By Ws on Dec 23, 2010
things come up
and pass away
everything goes and comes
absolutely everything
to be present and free
while living in the world and doing good
now that is a challenge
count me in
By ws on Dec 27, 2010
one cold breath
and the snow is now white, now brilliant rainbow
I forget myself
By ws on Dec 27, 2010
I don’t want to be alone
but here I am
I don’t want to be sad
but there I go
I don’t want to live here
but here I stand
falling free
falling free
into something brand new
I am happy for this moment
and that’s enough
By ws on Dec 28, 2010
Yeah i feel abandoned
but whats one more real human being
abandoned amongst a thousand abandoned
thousand human beings
I ain’t special
and life is like that
By ws on Dec 28, 2010
wks218-
you are a beautiful soul.
and a beautiful writer
i love this line:
but now the world and people are my meditation.
thank you for being here.
By torei on Jan 20, 2011